1.  1

     

    The Lie

    My English professor once told me

    to pursue a career in academia

    instead of trying to be a writer. 

     

    He liked the precise and rhythmic

    poems of Emily Dickinson,

    and my meter was all over the place.

     

    I realize now, he was just another

    in the long line of men

    who would tell me what I

    couldn’t do, what I should not try

    what wasn’t within my reach.

     

    I realize now what he was telling me

    that very same lie that I’d been told

    and will be told for the rest of my life.

     

    The lie is that life isn’t changeable,

    that we can’t do whatever the hell we want

    that we can’t cut around perceptions

    and be whatever we want to be.

     

    We say it so often it’s cliche now -

    you can do whatever you want to do,

    whatever you dream, they say.

     

    Well, fuck, here’s the thing -

    it’s true. It’s really, painfully true.

    You can do anything

    you believe you can do.

     

    It’s a lesson you have to teach yourself.

    It’s the believing that’s the hardest.

    That’s the magic, the leap across the darkest chasm.

     

    The work is in your mind,

    and once you get past that

    no old professor, no fathers,

    no husbands or bosses

    can stop you.

     

    poetry confidence 

  2. We Know More

    There is some magic in it

    us that is

    They say we’re made of stardust

    and stardust doesn’t walk around

    and talk and think and feel

     

    So, it’s magic, really

    that glues it all together

    and sparks us into being,

    magic as far as we’re concerned.

     

    You’ve got me wondering

    what matters then. If I take this heap

    of elements to another state

    or another country,

    will it long for home?

     

    Is my dust attached to this land,

    will I miss these other star beings?  

     

    Look, you’ve made me happy

    whatever that means for the a

    collection of elements from the universe,

    and I don’t want to lose that.

     

    I feel it is a precarious balance,

    maybe something related to the tipping point

    it took for that first thought, that first

    knowledge of consciousness.

     

    I feel that if we just stopped thinking

    of ourselves in such a narrow way

    we’d find a new way of thinking

    beyond happiness and sadness,

    beyond life and death.  

     

    The excitement of molecules,

    the tingling of space and time,

    our place in the universe,

    We know more than we know.

     
  3. Cute illustration on @fourbarrel’s new cups!

    Cute illustration on @fourbarrel’s new cups!

     
  4. Summer fun times at Portrero Del Sol fest!

    Summer fun times at Portrero Del Sol fest!

     
  5.  3

     

    And Then This Happens

    And then this happens,

    you turn 30 and get married.

    You lose weight.

    You’re thinner than you’ve been in years,

    somehow this doesn’t bring

    the joy and fulfillment

    all of those weight loss commercials have promised.


    And then this happens,

    It’s been years since you’ve

    been to London or gotten a piercing

    or done anything someone might consider cool.


    This happens:

    You dream about a baby and its soft skin,

    yet when you’re awake the thought of caring

    for a helpless squishy little being

    scares the shit out of you.


    You’re 30 and this happens,

    You waffle between thinking of grad school

    or quitting your job to sail the world or

    write a book, but you never ever actually

    dare to live out these dreams.


    And then, you panic - you’re supposed to have it all

    figured out. You’re 30. Your parents had you

    and you were 8 when they were 30.

    They had jobs and mortgages and

    knew where they were going.


    So, you’re 30, and you feel like an adult

    most of the time, really. You have moments of

    greatness, really. You have moments of

    darkness, really. Time continues to

    pile up on itself and under you in this

    incomprehensible heap.


    And then this happens, you breathe.

    You’re 30, and this game of house

    isn’t pretend anymore. You’re 30 and you decide

    you aren’t following anyone else’s

    timeline. This happens: you grasp

    at one of those dreams, one of those far off goals

    and you decide to make it real.




     
  6. Post-Wedding New Year’s Resolutions

    It’s tough to top the year you get married, but I do have one good thing going - it feels like I have oceans of time to conquer my goals now that I’m not planning the biggest party of my life. I started out with only a few little ideas, but then that blossomed into a much larger list, which I think reflects the person I’m becoming. 

    • Write more poetry and go to readings
    • Buy a car - maybe a VW
    • Plan and go on an amazing honeymoon
    • Finish decorating and organizing our flat
    • Update my blogs more
    • Take more photos
    • Write more reviews for restaurants, venues and other fun stuff
    • Go to more shows, readings and events
    • Have more SF Adventures like Sutro baths and Lands End
    • Go on more hikes
    • Go on more weekend trips to nearby destinations
    • Add more recipes to my repertoire
    • Learn Basic HTML
    • Get Adwords certified
    • Learn basic acrobatics
    • Lose 5 more pounds

    I’m hoping posting these in a public venue will help me tackle them! 

    Happy 2014! 

     
  7. Cracking Open: My Wedding Poem

    You cracked open my life

    or maybe it was me - it’s

    so hard to tell with these things,

    but you were there and there was this

    cracking open of everything

    this rip in the universe, in my body, in my soul

    and I was letting everything in


    New love, passion, life

    music, culture, fantasy


    I read science fiction

    for the first time in years,

    believing for the first time

    in so long, that the world is

    so much more than we see.


    You did that, somehow you are

    wrapped up in all of this

    the fantastic, the strange,

    the beauty that is imagining what

    might be.


    So, of course, my dear I fell and fell

    in love with you. Let us never lose

    that openness, let us never curl in

    on ourselves.


    What I learned, is the world is open

    only if you believe it to be,

    Love is beautiful only if you let it grow,

    and stretch in odd and unpredictable ways.


    Let us allow our love to be unpredictable,

    whimsical, other-wordly. Let it

    cross space, time and other dimensions.


    We must believe so much

    believe that the universe is open

    for our love, and let it fill and fill,

    like dark matter, like the big bang,

    always growing in new

    and unknowable ways.

     
  8. Hey Everyone, here is a link to the photobooth photos! Check em out, they’re pretty cute! 

     
  9. Made this Kale salad last night - Kale is my new bff.

    Made this Kale salad last night - Kale is my new bff.

     
  10. I’m in looeerrve with this jacket from Vince.

    I’m in looeerrve with this jacket from Vince.