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    And Then This Happens

    And then this happens,

    you turn 30 and get married.

    You lose weight.

    You’re thinner than you’ve been in years,

    somehow this doesn’t bring

    the joy and fulfillment

    all of those weight loss commercials have promised.


    And then this happens,

    It’s been years since you’ve

    been to London or gotten a piercing

    or done anything someone might consider cool.


    This happens:

    You dream about a baby and its soft skin,

    yet when you’re awake the thought of caring

    for a helpless squishy little being

    scares the shit out of you.


    You’re 30 and this happens,

    You waffle between thinking of grad school

    or quitting your job to sail the world or

    write a book, but you never ever actually

    dare to live out these dreams.


    And then, you panic - you’re supposed to have it all

    figured out. You’re 30. Your parents had you

    and you were 8 when they were 30.

    They had jobs and mortgages and

    knew where they were going.


    So, you’re 30, and you feel like an adult

    most of the time, really. You have moments of

    greatness, really. You have moments of

    darkness, really. Time continues to

    pile up on itself and under you in this

    incomprehensible heap.


    And then this happens, you breathe.

    You’re 30, and this game of house

    isn’t pretend anymore. You’re 30 and you decide

    you aren’t following anyone else’s

    timeline. This happens: you grasp

    at one of those dreams, one of those far off goals

    and you decide to make it real.




     
  2. Post-Wedding New Year’s Resolutions

    It’s tough to top the year you get married, but I do have one good thing going - it feels like I have oceans of time to conquer my goals now that I’m not planning the biggest party of my life. I started out with only a few little ideas, but then that blossomed into a much larger list, which I think reflects the person I’m becoming. 

    • Write more poetry and go to readings
    • Buy a car - maybe a VW
    • Plan and go on an amazing honeymoon
    • Finish decorating and organizing our flat
    • Update my blogs more
    • Take more photos
    • Write more reviews for restaurants, venues and other fun stuff
    • Go to more shows, readings and events
    • Have more SF Adventures like Sutro baths and Lands End
    • Go on more hikes
    • Go on more weekend trips to nearby destinations
    • Add more recipes to my repertoire
    • Learn Basic HTML
    • Get Adwords certified
    • Learn basic acrobatics
    • Lose 5 more pounds

    I’m hoping posting these in a public venue will help me tackle them! 

    Happy 2014! 

     
  3. Cracking Open: My Wedding Poem

    You cracked open my life

    or maybe it was me - it’s

    so hard to tell with these things,

    but you were there and there was this

    cracking open of everything

    this rip in the universe, in my body, in my soul

    and I was letting everything in


    New love, passion, life

    music, culture, fantasy


    I read science fiction

    for the first time in years,

    believing for the first time

    in so long, that the world is

    so much more than we see.


    You did that, somehow you are

    wrapped up in all of this

    the fantastic, the strange,

    the beauty that is imagining what

    might be.


    So, of course, my dear I fell and fell

    in love with you. Let us never lose

    that openness, let us never curl in

    on ourselves.


    What I learned, is the world is open

    only if you believe it to be,

    Love is beautiful only if you let it grow,

    and stretch in odd and unpredictable ways.


    Let us allow our love to be unpredictable,

    whimsical, other-wordly. Let it

    cross space, time and other dimensions.


    We must believe so much

    believe that the universe is open

    for our love, and let it fill and fill,

    like dark matter, like the big bang,

    always growing in new

    and unknowable ways.

     
  4. Hey Everyone, here is a link to the photobooth photos! Check em out, they’re pretty cute! 

     
  5. Made this Kale salad last night - Kale is my new bff.

    Made this Kale salad last night - Kale is my new bff.

     
  6. I’m in looeerrve with this jacket from Vince.

    I’m in looeerrve with this jacket from Vince.

     
  7. Next step in the quest to get in wedding shape- green juice sans any fruit!

    Next step in the quest to get in wedding shape- green juice sans any fruit!

     
  8. Is it weird that I want my wedding to look like the set of Sleep no More?

    Is it weird that I want my wedding to look like the set of Sleep no More?

     
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    H&M Home just launched a U.S. e-commerce site! Woohoo! Just in time to register for some of these lovely things! http://www.hm.com/

    H&M Home just launched a U.S. e-commerce site! Woohoo! Just in time to register for some of these lovely things! http://www.hm.com/

     
  10. Drive

    I think I’ve frightened every boy I’ve ever loved
    with my manic enthusiasm for things.
    I throw my head back and laugh and
    get a crazy look in my eyes
    and they just
    want to throw on the breaks.

    I’m learning and learning
    to be an adult, but don’t blame me, my dear
    if I need a few moments of adolescent
    crooning once in a while.

    I’m learning to channel this energy,
    this immense pain and anger
    and joy and this rapture
    and make something I can use.

    A poem or a house - a garden
    or a sculpted body. Yes, I’m learning
    more and more that everything is a matter
    of energy and what you do with it.

    I cannot hold it in my chest anymore -
    instead I’ll kindle it as a fire
    instead I carve it into a knife
    instead I chisel it into a tool
    instead I sing it as a song
    instead I write it as this poem
    and use it to fuel me through this life.