Marc and I are celebrating the four year anniversary of our first date this weekend, so I decided to resurrect some old but good poems from the beginning of our relationship. Here is the first:
I am Picturing Myself as You Right Now
I am picturing myself as you right now.
The other night you said, no that’s alright
I think I’m just going to head home when
I offered you a chance to come in my apartment
to use the bathroom or something. Of course
it was out of genuine concern. After all, I had
to go to the bathroom. You hadn’t used the bathroom
the entire night, and I was just trying to be considerate.
I hope you don’t think I was trying to be a slut and I
wanted you to come in and grab me and kiss me
and occupy the space next to me in my bed that night.
No, that would never occur to me, it isn’t even
occurring to me right now. So, you said goodbye
and you hugged me. You made it a long and
significant hug. I thought, is this hug trying to say
something to me? Does this hug want to become
something far greater than a hug?
You pulled away, but kept talking. You were smiling
but also kind of nervous, I think. And then you leaned in
for another hug. Another hug? Surely, this hug had bigger
ambitions, I thought, but maybe it was afraid to become what
it surely was meant to be, so I decided to encourage it by
making it a kiss on the cheek, but immediately before I could
think that kiss on the cheek became a kiss on the lips, such a
good little kiss that was just long enough.
So I am picturing how you smiled, I think the same smile
I gave you, a dumb and happy smile, but in a very dumb way.
And how you said “take care” before you left. I would never
say “take care”, but you would, so I’m picturing those words
coming out of my mouth; “take care”, I say and I, as you,
walk away in the direction of Grace Cathedral. There, I catch
a cab. It is easy catching this cab. I don’t stand out on the curb
waving and yelling “Taxi!”, because I don’t know how to whistle,
which is what would happen to me, but not you.
Apparently you have good luck with cabs, even though I never do,
and you go home to your apartment and you live there alone, and
you don’t have to say hello to anyone or make any phone calls.
You are OK with that, and you play a lone and solitary game
on your computer for a while before you go to bed,
and I’m not sure whether you think at all
about our kiss or toss in your bed, like I would, but you probably
wouldn’t, because you’re that type of guy.
I write you a letter the next day saying thank you thank you
thank you for kissing me last night. Well, it didn’t say that, but the
words if rearranged in a certain way would spell that out.
You waited precisely 28 hours to reply. I think you have a rule about
that. No answering emails less than 28 hours after they are sent
or maybe you only check your email once a day. If I were you,
which I am so far from being, I would check my email more
I decided to follow suit and wait exactly 23 hours to send
back another emails. OK, I got impatient, and I thought if I raised
you and waited 32 hours, which would only be appropriate
for a demure girl, then the time in between our emails would
increase exponentially and we would never get in touch. When I did
write out that email I thought of a lot of things to say.
Hey you, I would say, did you know that I am very clever and pretty
and wouldn’t you like to answer my emails more quickly? Wouldn’t
you like to read my poems? Wouldn’t you like to read the poems that
are inspiring me right now? Wouldn’t you like to read my yelp postings
or my blog, because these would be good accoutrements to help you
get to know me and how clever and pretty I am.
I decided not to say that at all, I decided it would be best to say
hey didn’t you mention that blog about building a boat and something
regarding large and poisonous spiders? I want to read about those things.
I have recently become interested in both boats and spiders. They are
very interesting topics.
Oh and, I am adding this last part very cleverly as an afterthought, of course, I
didn’t think of it at all until I typed that thing about spiders, which reminded
me that I hadn’t seen a film in quite a while. No, I would say it’s been quite a
while since I’ve seen a film, and wouldn’t you like to be the one who
goes with me to watch a film, especially since it will be so momentous
being the first time in a long long time, since I saw a film.
I am picturing myself as you, you haven’t gotten the email yet. It is sitting
in your inbox like a little spider that might interest you and
be written about in your blog, if you were going to continue on the topic
of spiders. When you do open it, you will judge me for not calling
you up and asking you in person, which you would much prefer
and you will consider going with me, and you will probably think
this is moving too fast, and I can’t respond within 24 hours anyway,
so I won’t go.
Or maybe you will say, actually yes, it’s been a while
since I’ve been in a dark room, watching a film sitting next to a
clever and pretty girl, so I will say yes. Would you say that?
It would be so reassuring of my cleverness and prettiness
if you would just say that. Wouldn’t you?